Post Christmas 2012

The Mayans had it wrong. The world did not end in 2012. The world still spins and life goes on. The year 2012 closed an important chapter in my life. My boys are both grown up. Clint graduated from high school this spring. My work here is done. When Chet died in 1995, I was afraid for all of us. I was afraid that something would happen to me before my boys grew up. Who would replace me and take on the responsibility of raising my boys? Thank God, that didn't happen. Now my job is to let go. We are supposed to raise our children and give them wings. Well, wings don't come with training wheels. Letting go means standing back and watching the winds and storms of life blow our children off course. Sometimes the off-course journeys and detours of life bring unexpected discoveries. People don't learn self-reliance when someone is always there to catch them if they fall. I know that my boys would miss me if something happened to me now, but I also know that they have the maturity to make their own way in the world. What does the year 2013 hold for us? We will have to wait and see.

Senior Discount

Senior. That word means a "senior" in high school. Suddenly, it seems that I qualify for the senior discount on meals at Denny's. Overnight, it seems, I qualify for membership in the AARP. My doctor uses introductory clauses like, "When you reach a certain age..."

To hell with all that!

OK, so yes, it's true that I am not renewing my subscription to Texas Monthly because I can no longer read the articles, which are now printed in fine print -- fine print on a background color that makes it even harder to read.

What happened? While planning for the future, somehow I find myself looking back instead of ahead. Back at lost opportunities, back at poor decisions, back at people left behind...

It's the last week of the year. Morose. That's the word for what I'm feeling. Is that a bad thing? Should I try to put on my Pollyanna pigtails and find joy in the fact that I'm still breathing?

The world is too much with us.

To be continued...in a much better mood.

Moms Worry

When we're pregnant, we worry. When they're babies, we worry. When they're toddlers, we cushion hard corners and install gates on stairs...because we're worried. When they start to school, we worry about friends and teachers and whether they're really ready for kindergarten. We're really worried because we're not ready to let them go. When they make the team or join the club or the choir, we worry that they will get hurt -- physically or emotionally. When they're in high school, we worry about grades, friends, colleges and the future. When they start driving, we worry about bad roads, bad decisions, bad weather, bad habits and, especially, texting. When they graduate, we really worry about college and the future and finding the money to make it all happen. When they get their degrees, we worry about decisions, opportunities, job offers and not getting job offers.

The common denominators are "love" and "worry." The old saying "let go and let God" comes to mind, but it's hard to put into practice, even for someone of faith. As the mother of two sons, I seek serenity about my boys and their future. It's all out of my control. I have done my best to set them on the right path, but I know from my own life experience that pathways sometimes have dead ends or roadblocks or detours that take more time than we expected. Sometimes we have to retrace our steps and start over. Sometimes the pathway is permanently blocked and we waste time waiting and wishing for a miracle. I wish for my sons to have strength of character, resilience without bitterness, hope and determination to live with purpose, to love with abandon and to not spend too much time worrying. I've done enough of that for them.